You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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