Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
