Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
