oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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