i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
