I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Randomize
