Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
