Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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