when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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