they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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