the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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