I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
