why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
