the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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