...so i touched it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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