be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
