Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm always down for nudity.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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