Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
