I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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