I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
