Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
