im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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