so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The best revenge is premature balding
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
