I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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