Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
