that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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