I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
