Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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