No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
