I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
