my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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