About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
