U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
