and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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