Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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