thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize