I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
