dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
