I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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