Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
As shirtless as possible
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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