im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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