This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
