The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
handjob tips. give me some.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
