i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
