Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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