South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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