how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
