I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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