I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
