Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize