she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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