well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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