You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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