I hate your face
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
