my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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