"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
