i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
