I hope mine doesn't look like that
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
