I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
