I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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