There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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