You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
