are you still at the devil's house?
someone threw a dead crab at me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
