I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
