just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
