so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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