When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
