what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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