He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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