I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
