if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
