I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
